college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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