My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
where are you?
Hypothermia
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
