never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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