I seem to have left my pride at pride
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Randomize
