I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
