If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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