Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
