She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
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No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
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One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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