it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
