you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
