A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
you never un-have a 4some
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
