i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
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I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
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I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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