She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
