Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Four minutes until I can fart!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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