My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
