She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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