Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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