never play flip cup with pint glasses
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
