I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
