Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
