youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
