god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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