halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
