He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
