Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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