My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
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