Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
