i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
