i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
