I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
