his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
