I'm gonna have a badass scar
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
