Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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