do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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