OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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