I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I need to calm my uterus...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
