She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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