Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
