You made me cry and you don't even care
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
