his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
