guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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