Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
