After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
