Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
