White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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