just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
