i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
