I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
That's how pantless uber rides happen
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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