Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
