remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
nutella sex= disaster
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
