Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
