I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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