Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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