I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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