Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
