When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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