somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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