My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
