he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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