You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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