Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
