areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
