My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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