I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
