Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
