Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
