look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
When did angry sex become our thing?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
