Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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