You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
smell my finger.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
