I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
